Earlier this week, my darling husband — the love of my life — came home, walked silently into the kitchen, gave me a big bear hug and then said four words that I’ve never heard him utter in 10 years:
I love my job.
They were the words that I’d been waiting to hear since a fateful day in late 2009, when we decided that he would take a giant leap, with no safety net, and quit his job — to do what? Figure out what it was that he loved.
To understand how we got to that day in 2009, I have to take you back to 2003. Lucas had completed a grueling 5-year architecture program at Syracuse University…a track so difficult that only about a quarter of the people who started classes with him in 2008 actually received a degree. Some dropped out…some washed out…and only a few were left standing.
He’d averaged four hours of sleep a night, subsisting on bad coffee, NoDoz and (I kid you not) Miracle Whip sandwiches.
When he graduated, he took a job at an architecture firm, where he stayed for a couple of years. When we moved to Orlando, he took another job, then another…moving up the ranks and generally being considered a rising star in the architecture field. The long days continued, but the projects got less interesting. He decided to take on another major challenge — studying for the vicious architecture exams, which almost nobody passes on the first try.
Guess what? He passed. He passed with flying colors, and not only got his license (making him a registered architect,) but he went above and beyond to become LEED certified. Those two things skyrocketed him ahead of people decades older in his field, and pretty much secured him a stable career in the field.
But with every step up, I saw him going down. He hated talking about work, dreaded Monday mornings, lost interest in his projects and generally felt stuck, facing a certain future of unhappiness.
In direct opposition, he had to live with me — someone who loved her job. Who worked weekends because she couldn’t stop thinking about the to-do list. Who crowed to anyone who would listen how great it was to have ownership over your career. I’d had a similar slide, years before, but decided to take a leap of my own — moving to a small company, surrounded by people I respected and trusted. That leap paid off.
It was time for him to take his.
So, in 2009, with no backup job and no real sense of what he wanted to do…Lucas resigned from his firm and set off on a whirlwind adventure. He started a blog, all about his passion for craft beer and homebrewing (http://nighthops.com), became a house husband (cleaning, running errands, taking care of the furballs, cooking) and loved every minute. So did I. He would call me at work and tell me how cute the dogs were being. Or do meal planning and dig up vegetarian dishes that he thought I’d like. He would text me sweet stuff about how happy he felt. Ask me questions about blogging, and set up the video camera on a tripod so he could videotape his brewing process.
He was back up.
And now, those risks have all paid off…he had the courage and the conviction to go after a few “dream” jobs, including writing about beer and architecture for Orlando’s #1 culture blog (http://TheDailyCity.com) and working at Redlight Red Light, one of the country’s most well-known and well-respected craft beer bars. He’s still writing his blog every day, and he’s even set up his own architecture firm — working for himself and taking freelance/contract projects.
And now, he comes home — after 9-hour shifts, standing on his feet in a crowded bar — and tells me:
I love my job.
I’m so glad he took the leap.
(This decision did not come lightly, and did come at great financial compromise and risk. We were extremely fortunate to have the ability to do it, and I don’t want to bum out anyone who is not in a position to go about it the way Lucas did. How did we make it work? In a future post, I’ll detail my survival guide for living on one income…this time, from my perspective as the one in charge of bringing home the bacon tempeh.)
About Katy
Inspiring story.
I’ve had to make more than one of those leaps of faith over my working life, and I nearly always landed in a better place.
Kudos to Lucas, and to you, for believing in his dream.
Gerard —
Thanks so much…it’s great to see that people from all backgrounds are realizing that life is too short to settle for bad jobs!
And those are 4 very beautiful words!! When you don’t love your job, it affects every single other aspect of your life. I’m so glad you’ve both found what you love! I’m in the middle of that find-what-you-love-but-still-pay-bills journey right now
Heather,
The middle can be very tough…believe me, I understand! Hang in there and just know that you won’t regret putting your happiness first.
Thanks for sharing this, and a big congrats to him (and you!) for taking the leap and going after what makes you happy!
I’m still in that stuck position with my full time job right now, and it’s not easy. My husband just finished school and finally is getting into a “real world” job, but I haven’t had the option to quit the past few years and that does make it hard. I’m constantly looking for something that will make me happy- just haven’t found it yet.
Any tips for finding the right job would be great, too! I know there are tons of people in the same position: they know they’re not happy but aren’t really sure which direction to head in first.
Brandi,
Being in a relationship makes it really tough to take the leap…one of you always has to be the responsible one!
I’ll put a whole post together, but I really do believe in doing what you love when you can … after work — on weekends — whatever. Someday, you’ll be in the right place at the right time, just like Lucas was. He was blogging about beer because he loved it. It turned out he was able to use the blog like a resume!
So cool! I’m happy for you and your hubby! This was great for me to ready today because I’m leaving my successful but un-fulfilling career (CPA) to go back to grad school for my passion (Speech Pathology). Thanks for the inspiration!
You’re so welcome, and thank YOU for the nice comment!
It is so sad because I don’t think those words have ever come out of my mouth. Hopefully one day they will! Congrats to Lucas for taking the risk and finally finding something he loves to do. I’m sure he couldn’t have done it without your support!
Just sent this post to Derek.
I <3 you two!
We love you back! Derek’s next!
i am so happy for your husband. a little more than a year ago i took a $10k paycut to leave a job i hated and accept one i felt had a lot more potential to make me happy. i’ve NEVER looked back. i remember i used to get depressed on sundays thinking about heading back to work on monday. wishing away 5 days of your life every week is no way to live. so happy for you both!
Julie,
Thank you so much
I think the weekends really were the worst…because neither of us could really enjoy the two days *away* from work, since we were thinking about the Monday ahead!
His job was pretty well-paying, so we took a big cut then and now. But I’d never go back.
please just send me the survival guide. my husband lept, but it didn’t work and 5 yrs later, his health (food intolerances/allergies) still does not allow him to keep a “regular” job. I need to find a way to balance it all and it’s just not working. I would love to hear how someone else is able to flip flop the standard & be ok with being the one to bring home the tempeh! Please share!
Survival guide coming…just hang in there!
It’s funny, I keep stumbling upon people who have “taken the leap” more and more over the last month. I have very ambitious plans to leave my job at the end of the year and go back to school full time in January (sshhhhhhh my colleagues and bosses don’t know yet). It’s just so scary to think about, especially the financial part of it.
Scary and exciting? I hope so!
I am so proud of you for supporting your husband and allowing him to find his passion! You guys are amazing and I hope when I get married my husband and I can support each other the same way!
Thanks, sweetie…it wasn’t all easy and fun, but it was worth it in the end.
I love this story. Hearing the person you love say they love what they do is a great reward for any sacrifices you made. I’m so glad that you both can appreciate and support each other in those ways.
Cynthia,
Thanks so much…I know he’ll still have some bad days (it’s still work, after all!) but he’ll never be miserable the way he was. And so neither will I!
I don’t even know you guys, but I can’t stop smiling about that story! I love it!! The older I get, the more I realize that living a life that doesn’t make you ecstatic is just ALL wrong! I had always been a rule follower and working a 9 to 5 job at a desk somewhere was a rule that I took seriously. I just thought that’s how it was in the workplace, the grown up world, the responsible thing to do. I love challenging that rule following part of me now! It’s not just about being happy to make enough money to survive and feed yourself, it’s figuring out how to feed your soul as well.
Lucas is a rule follower, too…it made it REALLY tough to leave the job with no plans. But it’s the best thing he ever did.
And we figured if he didn’t do it at 30, he certainly wouldn’t do it later.
Love the “feeding the soul” line, by the way. So true.
I’m starting culinary school next month – with the only hope that one day I can also say those four words.
I’m so happy for your hubby. It did take a huge leap a faith. Awesome!
PS – You two are so darn cute!
So happy for your husband and his passion for doing something he loves! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much! He loves reading these comments
Finding a job you love is so important…loved this post!!
Loving your job makes a huge difference, both professionally AND personally. I left a job I *hated* in April, and have never looked back. While you’re right in that it isn’t always possible, I think it is so important for people to take the time and figure out what it is that THEY want to do – and then chase those dreams.
It is so crazy that is post came at a time like this for me. Before my husband and I moved to Germany and I started my masters in environmental science there, I had a great job at a geotechnical engineering firm in Tucson. I was making a lot of money for my first year out of college. I felt powerful and smart. I loved telling people what I did because it went way over their heads. After moving to Germany, starting my masters and starting my blog, longed for starting work again.
Now, we moved back to the states, I’m in my last semester of grad school and it hit me yesterday: I don’t want to work in the technical field anymore. It is boring as hell. This doesn’t mean that I don’t use my brain, it is just a little dry for me. I want to make a difference in people’s lives with the environment and I want people to know that it is easy to be eco-friendly. Yesterday, I bought a domain that I don’t have time to work on now, but when school finishes I plan on putting all my energy there. I know that it will take a lot of work, but this is what I want to do with the rest of my life including home/office eco-assessments. I’m scared, but I will never know if I never try.
Thank you so much for posting this. It helps me think that there might be some happiness in my career soon!!
I’m so glad the post made a difference for you…I wish someone had been able to reach out to me when he first left his job and reassure me of a happy ending!
It will take work but it WILL be worth it. Keep me posted!
How wonderful! Being able to love your work is one of the best things in life. It’s why I don’t ever see myself going back to teaching. Since staying at home with my daughter and dabbling in writing, I have realized my love for it and don’t ever want to leave!
So happy for Lucas! I am taking the leap right now, trying to enjoy it fully and not think too much of the uncertainty part of it, it’s great to hear it worked out so well for you guys! we miss you!!!!
thats so awesome! It makes a huge difference in life when you love what you do
I love this!! I feel the exact same way about my job right now and have been looking and looking for a way out. Good for him (and you)!!!
I am following up on the “homework assignment” you gave in today’s post. I just have to comment…
The Husband and I are both unemployed right now, by choice. About four weeks ago we both quit our relatively secure and not-so-bad jobs to move out of state. We talked about making this move for six years and finally did it. We have the money to survive for a few months without jobs and so far we aren’t too worried (call backs, interviews…but no offers).
I am in a position were I have the degree that says I’m a smart marketer/sales person and the experience that says I can handle myself in the hotel industry but have no desire to do either. I am struggling to “re-invent” myself…before we run out of money. This post gave me a little hope.
I might end up in a not-so-great college kid job for a while if things get desperate but I plan on working toward the “new me” and hopefully getting there. Sooner rather than later!
Heidi,
Wow — both of you took the leap? That is seriously brave! I’d say you’re both reachers, huh?
I know it’s probably not the concrete advice you need, but I am a big believer (BIG believer) in things happening when they’re meant. So stick with it as long as you can so that if things don’t work out, you have no regrets about putting your dreams out in the universe.
I like to think we are both reachers…or maybe I’m just a pusher? Ha. I promised to take full responsibility for the “stupid idea” if it doesn’t work out! But then if it does work I’m demanding glory! Chris (The Husband) is a bit more reserved than I am, but I guess I have to give him a lot of credit for trusting my crazy notions!
We are really hoping it works out, and if not my mom just bought a house with three bedrooms…at least we won’t be stuck living in her basement!
And we won’t be able to look back and regret not at least trying it. We are young enough, we can risk it, or at least that is what I tell myself!
I’m not certain I’ve ever heard of a wife being that supportive of her husband in something so major. Be sure Lucas knows that I said he’s found a rarity and jewel in you, and this isn’t just smoke being blown your way, Katy. A very good friend of mine is in a similar situation as Lucas. He works 16 hour days, 80 hour weeks at a job that pays extremely well. He HATES it. He’s on all kinds of anxiety stuff now, spends whatever time he has at home basically wasted to deal with life. His wife REFUSES to let him quit. So to read about how supportive you’ve been and that now Lucas is happy. That’s just one more thing that separates you from the majority of people. That’s an ideal of what a marriage should be.
Calvin,
What a beautiful comment — thank you so much. It means the world to both of us.
My marriage isn’t perfect, but what we do have is a solid base of support. I can’t expect him to let me soar if I’m clipping his wings, right?
Have a WONDERFUL day.