WARNING: This post may include the words ovaries, conception, baby-making and/or parenthood, so if you are:
a) squeamish about girl parts
b) my boss or someone else who might feel uncomfortable learning about my maternal cravings
c) having a difficult time with your own fertility struggles
you may want to opt out of reading today’s post. But come back! Tomorrow, I’m preparing a very special “Five for Friday” that you won’t want to miss.
The other day, while kicking back and enjoying a beer and a basketball game (something yes, I realize you can’t often do when you are a parent), I had a brilliant business idea.
I call it: “Lend Me Your Baby.”
Sure, the name could use some work, but the concept is simple.
I love babies. I love to hold babies. I love to smell babies. I love to feed babies.
I don’t mind when babies cry in my arms. I don’t mind changing diapers. I can read the same story over and over without getting bored.
Lend me your baby when you need a break, and I’ll hold her or him until you’re ready to come on back.
The inspiration struck at the bar, when I saw the cutest little nugget of a kid being rocked by his mom. I told Lucas that it took everything I had inside to not go grab that kid and just … smell him.
But here’s the irony.
The idea of having a child of my own right now just doesn’t click. Which is shocking, because 10 years ago, I’d have told you I was ready rightnowrightnowrightnowrightnow. But at 30 (almost 31), I find myself less and less driven to procreate.
I do want kids. I don’t think my life will be complete without them. I just don’t know when I’ll feel like it’s time.
Right now, I am:
- incredibly selfish, and that’s OK — I like being able to work out, make plans with friends and sleep in on Sundays without worrying about childcare or who’s feeding the kid
- not 100% financially stable, and when I do have money to spend, I splurge on manicures and massages
- desperate to travel more
- still figuring out what my career is and will be
- enjoying being married
So many people my age and younger are having kids, or are professing their desire to have kids, and it makes me feel like I’m on a bit of an island. At my last well woman visit, my OBGYN told me that while I still have time, I should think about what my plans are. And, given the fact that I have had issues with my girly bits before, she’s right to prod.
For now, the best news is that Lucas and I are on the same page, and we’ve agreed that when one of us is ready to start the next chapter, he or she will be free to bring it up. I just wonder — will it be weeks? months? years?
For parents — how did you decide what the “right time” was? For those who are waiting, or who have decided not to have kids — what factors shaped your decision?
P.S. I am totally serious about holding your baby. So if you ever need a break, let me know and I’ll get ready to rock.
P.P.S. I am also awesome at holding cats like babies.
About Katy
aw that’s so sweet off you to sacrifise yourself like that
I can’t answer your questions, at all, just wanted to let you know I really liked this post. and that last photo the most. looks like the cat didn’t think it was such a great idea though hehe
I know. I’m soooo altruistic.
Travers (my cat) is evil. I think he plots to kill me in my sleep. But he was especially mad here becuase we’d wrapped him up to give him some medicine.
Any time you want to come to PA, I have two who would love a visit from “aunt” Katy! And you’ll know when the time is right… or it just happens and you adjust and you realize that when you see them sleeping all snuggled in their bed or when they say I love you that all of the other stuff you are missing isn’t that important.
Ali,
I’m booking my flight
Thanks for the comment…you’re right — I know that when it happens, the baby will become my priority and the rest of the stuff will fall to the side.
Hmmmm…. interesting question. I would like to shed some light on this by sharing my own experience. My husband and I got married in 2006 and shortly there after decided we wanted to save some money for a big trip to Alaska and after that trip we would start “trying” for kids. It was nice to have “a plan” I like plans! We went to Alaska in 2008 and when we got home began “trying.” Well, we tried for over a year and nothing. Not, going to lie. It was kind of stressful. I didn’t live my life to the fullest. I didn’t want to train for anything or sign up for any races because I always thought “What if I’m pregnant?” For two weeks out of every month I didn’t drink any alcohol and eventually gave up coffee just in case I got pregnant. When we finally went to the doctor a year and a half later we found out there was a problem with my husband. Honestly it was VERY freeing! Knowing there was probably no way for us to get pregnant I signed up and trained for an Olympic distance Triathlon, and 2 half marathons including traveling to Disney for one. It was almost as if we were suppose to wait so I could do some more of the things I always wanted to. For personal reasons we waited about a year before trying to “fix” our fertility problems so now we’re back on the road to “trying.” I guess what I’m saying is you might think there is a right time but only God (or what ever higher power you believe in) might have other plans. So, keep living your life and life will tell you when it’s time!
p.s. Sorry for being so long winded!
Long winded is always welcome!
What a story…thank you for sharing it. And, as a runner and a triathlete, thank you for recognizing that goal-driven events like races and triathlons are huge factors.
Best of luck with the “trying” and I’ll be following your journey!
I think maybe it was easier for me because I was younger and not into my career and looking forward to being a stay-at-home mom. Or so I thought. I actually ended up working part-time for many years, and liking that, since my boss was willing to do anything to keep me. Having kids changes your life forever so I think you are very wise to think long and hard about it. For me, I am at the other end of the spectrum. My nest will be empty next year and I am looking forward to being very selfish then. Lots of travel in my future, I hope.
In Eat, Pray, Love, there was a line about having a baby being like having a tattoo on your face…you want to be committed before going through with it.
I think it’s funny that so many people are talking about “planning” to have a baby… Don’t get me wrong! I think it’s great to have a plan.
However, I didn’t plan on having my son 4 years ago. Oopses happen and he is the best oops in my life. It has taken a lot of sacrifice and maybe I wasn’t ready financially, or relationship-wise or really ready at all, but it was the curve ball that got thrown at me and I just went with it. Sometimes even if we aren’t “ready” by our standards we become ready if necessary.
I think you might not want to have a child right now, but if for some reason your having kids “plan” changed unexpectedly you would be ready whether you thought you were ready or not.
I love this side…and you’re right — when I was younger, I always knew that an “oops” was a possibility, and I felt prepared for it. Now, because an oops wouldn’t be nearly the crisis as it would have been, I guess I forgot to look at it this way.
Your avatar is beautiful.
You can hold my screaming little monkey anytime! (I hold dogs like babies…it just works
)
Honestly…if we’d waited until we felt ready, we’d never have kids. There’s honestly never good timing or a perfect readiness for kids. There will always be something that could potentially cause you to say “not just yet”. We’re going through that right now in trying to figure out the best time to have our second (we’re slow learners ;P). There are things I’d like to do before but at the same time, at 31 years old, I don’t want to put it off too long because we haven’t decided how many kids we want either.
I say if you know it’s something you want and you’re “ready” be less cautious and let whatever happens, happen. You’ll have 9 months to prepare after all
And there’s no set time on how long it’ll take you to conceive so likely, whatever timing you have in mind will go in the trash anyway!
MONKEY! COME TO ME! LET ME HOLD YOU WHILE MOMMY WORKS OUT!
A friend of mine recently went through fertility struggles, and now she has a beautiful baby. Her advice to me was just like yours — if you wait for the right time, it may never come.
Hi Katy!
I think there is never a ‘right time’ because children change your world and when are we ever ready, in our heads,for such drastic changes? However, when the change happens, you really don’t miss the old stuff.. you truly would much rather spend your money on cute gymboree outfits than on manicures and things that seemed really important to you before, don’t really matter anymore. Also, your doctor is not all that wrong.. even if you wait until you are ready.. .it might take longer than you think. We were ready at least two years before we finally had A, and I sometimes wish I had started trying earlier… after all, our clocks do tick away…
anyway, not pushing for anything, but just letting you know, despite what that Huffington Post article said, I don’t think there is any bigger joy than having a child.. hearing them laugh is the best thing in the world!
And you lucked out, because A is so stinking adorable
Katy, my opinion is that there may never be a truly “right” time to have kids but there are plenty of wrong times. I think it’s normal to have some anxiety, but when the desire to be a mother overwhelms the desire to sleep in and go out with friends, that’s when you’ll know.
And I echo the thoughts of others that if an “oopsie” situation arose, you would know what to do and be an excellent mother.
Oh, and I have no kids and no cats, but I do have a schnauzer who likes to be cradled. We have cradle time every morning. You are more than welcome to take over so I can actually go take a shower.
I also cradle my 90-pound dogs on the couch. They actually like it, unlike my cat.
And perhaps triathlon training is the best preparation I could have for having kids, since I’m used to being up before the sun anyway and walking around like a zombie
I’m right there with you, Katy! Actually, until recently I’ve never felt the urge to have children though I always knew I wanted them eventually. Finally, my husband said it was time to get to it because we’re not getting any younger. I’m 30, he’s 29. Right now, we’re paying off our credit cards and then we’re going to start trying. Sometime this Summer, probably. I have to tell you, though…I was down with the flu last week and it definitely made me re-think. The idea of taking care of a child while that sick makes me shudder.
That’s unique — your husband being ready before you!
I think we’re probably going to give ourselves a space of time to get some more of our goals crossed off the list, then start trying. AHHHHH!
omg such a hot topic for females our age . . . well believe it or not it’s actually my boyfriend that’s ready and I’m not. He’s turning 30 this year and I think that has a lot to do with it. We also have had a long standing agreement that our “real life” would start once I was finished my degree. I had been working full time and completing courses part time at a very slow pace. This is one of the reasons that we decided that I go back to school full time to be able to truly focus on this degree and finish it. I’ll be 30 when I graduate and the plan right now is that’s when we’re going to start a family. Funny we never have “real” talks about getting married but we often have talks about starting our family. I’m not sure we even will get married.
Morgan,
I know more and more people that are starting families before getting married…in fact, Lucas and I talked about not getting married, but in the end, it was something we both thought was important for *us.* Not that we didn’t think about eloping in the weeks before the wedding.
I think it’s really interesting that together, you set a goal for you — something to accomplish before making the baby-making leap. And, it’s a goal that betters you, personally!
I think you just know. And I know that doesn’t really help you right now and I know that it a cheap answer, but I think you just know.
I love that photo of you with your cat! I don’t feel near ready but I am 25. I hope eventually I’ll know and everything will line up (man, health, finances, sudden onset of patience). But let’s be honest, being selfish is pretty great too
Everyone is different, when you’re ready, you’ll know (or at least I think so).
I’ve decided not to have kids. I get a lot of slack for this from my parents and even some of my friends, but I’m not one of those people that feel that I need children for my life to be complete. Call that selfish, but it’s just how I feel. Don’t get me wrong, I like kids, and I love my friend’s kids, and I have SO much respect for women that can juggle it all, I just don’t have the desire to. I’m 28 now (still young enough that I can change my mind in the future) and I came to that decision a few years ago.
I love that photo…snarly tooth says it all!
I don’t think it’s selfish…I think it’s selfish to have kids when you can’t support them financially or emotionally, or to bring kids into an unsafe environment. Thinking about your options and choosing the one that’s best for you is completely unselfish.
Sometimes life interferes in a way that you never anticipated, prompting you to make a decision. For us, we decided to start trying to get pregnant because my mother-in-law was very sick, and since we knew we eventually wanted a child anyway, we just sped up the process some. Unfortunately she died a few months before our daughter was born.
In a way, I’m glad the decision was in essence out of our hands because I think we would have sat on the fence forever, too. There’s never a perfect time to have a child — you”ll never have enough money, time or stability in life. To me, it’s a gut decision. When (or even if) you reach the point when you think you ABSOLUTELY must, must, must have a baby, then that’s the right time.
Until then, enjoying having all the time in the world to yourself. After a child, it will be DECADES until you get time like that again! But you won’t mind — trust me.
katy i’m so glad you posted this. i had honestly been wondering but didn’t feel like it was my business to ask at all.
and i get the selfish thing and i’ll tell you this, one day it will just hit you and you’ll know you are ready.. my trigger was watching ian’s sister be pregnant and meeting her baby, it was amazing and i pulled a 180 on the ready for baby thing in a matter of weeks.
I love this idea! I am not ready to be a mom but I am definitely down for a part-time job as a babysitter (or puppy sitter if you got one!)
I think we could recruit a few more members
I’ve always heard there is never a right time and you just have to be willing to make the sacrifice.
For us we can’t have children so we’ve been planning to adopt for a bit. We know the process is long so we started before we “were ready” so that we could get read during the time it takes. But even with the fear comes the excitement of having a little one.
Cynthia,
What an interesting take on the same thought process…in some ways, I guess you have to me even more “ready” because of the time that the adoption process can take.
Wow – this is exactly what’s been going through my (and my husband’s) mind lately. I’m basically a baby freak – I want to hold every.single.one.I.see – and I know that I want my own someday. We’re just enjoying our life together so much right now & can’t fathom the changes a baby would entail. Yes, good changes, but are we “there” yet? We both agree that we want a baby someday…we’re just not feeling like our life is “missing” that piece yet. If we get pregnant right now? Great. If we don’t, that’s fine too. (Plus, my doctor told me won’t start grilling me til I’m 35…so I’ve got 3 years to go!…now if I could just get our parents to lay off…)
Lucas told me that I have to be more careful at how obviously I stare at babies — their parents will think I’m plotting a kidnapping.
We’re in the same spot as you guys. If it happened? Cool. If not? Cool. Someday it will feel more urgent but not quite yet.
I’m a mom of a 10 year old and I’ve heard the above convo from so many of my married friends. See I was a young (surprise) mother and at the time I started I wasn’t ready and ended up having to just deal with it. But now I can’t have anymore children, which is unfortuante, but makes me realize the wonderful coincidences of life.
Now a days when someone asks “I don’t think I’m ready” I say “You’ll never be ready!” Cause its the truth. Even with a 10 year old at home I’m still not ready. Parenthood is a constant “wing-it” process. There’s no manual. There are no classes. You just do it and hope that you do well as you go.
As far as money goes… unless you’re a millionaire… it’ll never be enough. Cause you want to have only the best for you child. Period.
So here’s a point to ponder, there are many people who have waited and regretted that they did… but there are many people who did it early (or had surprises) but never regret. Think about that.
I’m so sorry you can’t have more kids, but so so SO glad to hear that you call your child a “wonderful” coincidence.
Never ready? That’s so scary…I’m a TV producer and a Type A planner by nature. MEEPS!
There are always plenty of good excuses NOT to have a baby right now, but the thing to remember is that the one really good reason–love of a child–trumps all the cons. As long as you’re not incredibly poor/way over your head in debt, I say go for it as long you and your husband are on the same page.
I’m not saying it won’t be difficult navigating the world of childcare and time management, but those babies are definitely worth the effort
You’re so right about being worth the effort. I’m lucky enough to work with a close friend who has a 3-year-old…I’ve known her since before baby, and have been able to watch the good and the bad and learn from her journey. I love that little girl like she’s mine!
That’s too funny! My biological clock has been ticking for YEARS. I even went through the process in my early 20′s to adopt (on my own). I decided against it because of financial issues, which was a wise decision at the time.
Now? I’m 31 and in a committed relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, live together, and plan on getting married in the future. Sure I want babies and that stupid CLOCK is driving me nuts. But financially I’m not ready. Logically I’m not ready. I want to travel more, I want to get married first, I want our endless remodeling project of the house to be finished….
Recently the bf and I babysat our friend’s 6 month old baby. That was a HUGE wake up call that neither of us were ready. The baby consumed all of our time, energy and since it was the first time she’d been away from the parents she was fussy……yikes!
It’s like that scene in My Cousin Vinny…”My biological clock is ticking [stomp] like [stomp] this! [stomp]”
Yes, being around babies is a wakeup call…I love the snuggly part, but as soon as those kids wake up and start screaming, I start to panic!
Such a personal thing… I will say that there is no such thing as ready. You’re never going to be in the perfect place. That, however, is relatively useless advice. In the end, I think it’s much more simple. If you don’t feel ready, you probably aren’t. When we starting trying to have babies, it was because I KNEW I was ready, and my husband was too. Having them before you’re ready is just asking for a perfect storm of stress and hassle and it’s not worth it. Wait for the right time, and you’ll be a better mother.
Well said…and I truly believe that SOME DAY, that “right time” will come and I’ll feel ready to take on the perfect storm.
Thanks for posting so honestly. I don’t know when the right time is either, but I’m happy with my husband and puppy right now but know a baby will be in the near future we hope.
For us, we had planned to wait at least 5 years after being married to have kids. Then, the baby bug hit both of us at the same time and HARD. I think your gut tells you when its right. There were numerous reasons we should have waited, but we just felt right to start having kids. I’m so glad we did too. I think just like you just know if someone is right for you for marriage…you just know when its right for you to start trying for kids.
Katy you will know when the right time is. I knew when mine was and had two amazing kids that I enjoyed raising and now I am enjoying not having to raise them anymore and can concentrate on me. I wanted to be a young mom and I wanted the second half of my life to be about travel and volunteering and teaching.
And if you ever need a cat baby or dog baby to hold I will be happy to share mine with you.
Amy —
Thank you so much! I’m so glad to hear you say that despite the love you have for your kids, you’re now celebrating YOU!
Hmmmm
“I do want kids. I don’t think my life will be complete without them. I just don’t know when I’ll feel like it’s time.”
If you really feel like your life will not “be complete without them”, I would start planning whether you are ready or not. The pre-planning might help you get and feel more ready.
I truly respect people who choose not to have kids and don’t cave to family pressure.
That said, if you know that you absolutely want kids eventually, and you have had “girly part” issues in the past…….waiting after 30 makes the chances of adoption being your option more likely. That was a little more than two cents and I really was not intending to be as one-sided in my opinions as I ended up being:)
Laura,
I’ll take all 25 of your cents! I’m lucky (obviously hee hee) that I really don’t have family pressure, so that isn’t a factor. For now, anyway!
And Lucas and I have talked about adoption as an option, and we’re both open to it, so I appreciate you bringing it up.
Oh and I am totally there for your lend me your baby club. As a matter of fact, my chapter is thriving.
I am 30, getting married in October and will be two weeks away from 31 when we tie the knot. My fiance is on the verge of 40. We’ve decided to throw away the birth control on our wedding night and start with a “just see what happens” philosophy. If nothing happens within 6 months, we’ll start being more intentional.
We’ve been together 3 years, lived together for 2, and although we wish we were even more financially stable, we both have steady, full-time jobs and I will be done with my master’s soon (and therefore hopefully in reach of a raise!).
We’ve kind of come to the conclusion that there’s no such thing as the “perfect” time. There will always be reasons to wait. But we want to grow our family and we are aware that biologically speaking, it’s probably better to start sooner rather than later!
So you’ll be newlyweds AND just trying for the heck of it? Sounds perfect! I love your flexibility…and I wish you both best of luck!
Love this post. I feel exactly the same way… except for the part where I want I hold other people’s babies
. Once in awhile, sure, but diapers… um no.
I’m 31. My husband and I say we are going to have kids, you know, someday. I feel like I should have some biological clock thing happening, but… nothing. I have this theory that if you wait to have kids until you’re 30+, you’re far more aware of what you would be giving up (freedom, some spare cash, travel, sleeping in on Sundays, watching HGTV for 8 hours straight, training for races, a pretty nice life altogether, etc.) than you would have been had you had kids in your 20s. On top of the fact that, if you’re in your early 30s, there’s really not a sense of “now or never” urgency.
I’m starting to realize that if my husband and I are going to have kids, we’re probably going to have to just take the plunge and start trying at some point (later… someday), and not wait for that moment when we know it’s time.
Yes, the … someday
And you’re right — I know what I’d be giving up, and once I feel more excited about nursing and baby talk than I do about running and chick flick marathons, I’ll know it’s “right”
Glad I am not alone!! Sometimes I swear I just yearn for babies but at the same time, I know now is not the right time for them.
Hey Katy,
) I love your post. When you’re ready to franchise, let me know. 
I think when most people say “the right time,” they are looking for everything to be “perfect,” and we all know that situation won’t happen. We always see room for improvement. I think you have a good head on your shoulders, and you’ll know when it’s time. I don’t have children, and it seems that all my friends are having babies. In fact, I spent all weekend holding babies last week. I’m getting the baby bug but I also know I am not ready for kids. I’m not in a serious relationship, and I don’t know that I could handle being a single mom. For now, I’m perfectly fine with the “aunt” role. I can baby sit for my friends when they need a break, but I also have the freedom to be on my own schedule. Right now, it’s the best of both worlds.
Andrea.
Andrea,
See? You spent the weekend holding babies? That’s all I want!
You are so right about things never being perfect, and I think I really struggle with that as a perfectionist…so if I can shake that, it will certainly shape my decision!
You can come to Orlando and be aunties to my someday-babies any time …
The thing that freaks me out the most about having a baby is that I won’t get to nap all weekend. Seriously!
I don’t think there’s really ever a right time. Having kids changes your life completely and I just don’t think that there is a time when you are 100% ready to have that happen. However, it does and I’m sure it’s great.
I’m almost 33 and I’ve only been married for 7 months. I feel like I want some time to just be married without kids but at the same time, I do sort of feel like the clock is ticking. My husband is 2.5 years younger than I am and he does not feel that way, however. I mean, he doesn’t feel like the clock is ticking.
Lee,
That is TOO funny…although, maybe you’d get more naps, to make up for the lack of sleep!
Lucas and I have been married 5 years this year, and so in some ways, it feels like we’re supposed to have kids right now. At least you have the “but it’s only been 7 months!” excuse.
Sort-of ticking is where I am, too.
LOVE it! I totally feel the same way with wanting to hold, touch, smell, etc. babies! My husband and I have been married 3.5 years now – he is 30, I’m 26. He was ready when we got married – maturity-wise, I am way more ready, but I know he can handle his own. It was hard to find the “right” time. We had talked about starting to “try” after 2 years of marriage. But, 6 months before that point, I professed that I just wasn’t ready. I can vouch for the fact that I was entirely too selfish. I ran the Chicago Marathon in October, and when I registered, people kept asking if it was my last big hurrah before TTC. It freaked me out a bit. October 10 came and went and I felt content. After reading about Kara Goucher’s “selfishness” for loving to race and then finally after one race just feeling content, that’s just how I felt. So, on November 1, we started trying. Now, I am late and hoping to see 2 pink lines on Saturday morning.
IMHO, I think you just know when it’s the right time. I really never thought I’d get there, but here I am praying that we are! I actually went through a point a few weeks ago where I felt like I was the only person in the world not pregnant – it can be so frustrating at times.
(PS – I’m so glad you posted this today. With the possibility of being pregnant, it has been on my mind ALL DAY and I really needed to tell “someone” other than my husband!)
AHHHHHH You are going to kill me waiting to hear!
No matter what, it sounds like you are blissful with your new journey, so if it’s this week or not, I am so excited for you.
And if you ever need to talk to someone other than the husband, stop on by!
Hi Katy – I couldn’t wait to get home so I could sit at a computer and comment on this post. I think far too many women wait too long and think they need to check things off a list before they’re ready to have kids. My parents had me and my sister young and we never, ever held them back. They traveled the world with us on their backs. I hate to see friends turn into hermits when they have kids. I don’t think it has to be like that. Babies are great! You can take them most places (unlike dogs :p). I’m going to strap that kid on my back (or leave him/her with the husband/grandparents!) and go to yoga, run, meet a friend for a beer, travel, get a manicure, etc. And, babies don’t have to be expensive. They don’t need much besides health insurance and diapers. Child care is freaking me out, but we’ll figure it out.
Women are waiting longer and longer and they think they can get pregnant like *that.* It sometimes takes a while. Karl and I were all set to start trying and low and behold, I found out I have a thyroid condition. We can’t have a kid until I get it under control. You never know if it’s going to be easy or not. And I’m glad I found this out at 30 and not 35! I’d rather not have to go the IVF route!
I don’t mean to freak you out! But this is a topic I am passionate about and loooove talking about. So glad you posted this!
Nicole,
No freaking me out — hey, I share everything on the blog, so I have to have a pretty thick skin, no?
I love love LOVE this comment — and I think you and I have so much in common. And you’re right…I struggled with some amennorhea issues las year. They have since cleared up, but I’m always afraid that I’ll have problems again and may have to turn to hormones or other fertility jumpstarts. I *really* want to avoid that.
My family has a long history of thyroid issues, so I feel your pain and wish you the very best of luck!
I am sort of at the other end of the child-bearing spectrum, on the verge of having an empty nest, and I would love to borrow a baby too! I had my kids young (23 for my daughter) so I probably could have more now, but I am enjoying sleeping, eating, working and exercising on my own schedule too much to “start over.” Still, I suffer from baby lust and even will smile at the shrieking infant on the airplane.
We decided to have kids when we did because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with myself after college (I hated grad school and quit), but I knew I wanted to be a mom. So, why not get started on that? My husband had a steady job and we had a 2 bedroom condo, so we felt secure enough.
I am one that believes there never is a “perfect” time from a rational standpoint. You always could want to save more money, be more secure, have a house (or a bigger house), etc. Sometimes you just have to step off the cliff and take the plunge!
I actually was thinking about this in a different context. Our beloved dog passed away last year, and now we are emotionally ready to get another dog, but we don’t feel like we have the time or energy for a puppy. I am starting to believe that we never will feel ready, and will have to “just do it” one of these days. It is such an instant decision, though. You could decide and have a dog within a few days or weeks. At least with a baby you have 9 months to get used to the idea and make plans. ‘-)
Take the pluge, eh…meeeps!
Thank you so much for your perspective — I guess I’ve been thinking only on *this* side of the having kids debate, and now what it will mean in 18 years. And where I want my life to be then.
I totally understand! I feel the same way-I definitely want kids but right now I’m enjoying taking care of me! I want to give 120% to my children and never feel like I’m missing out on something by having them/having to take care of them. I think when that point comes, you’ll just know (or at least I hope I will!). Oh, and I guess I need to find a husband first. Hehehe.
We are ready for the last 2 years! It’s stressful and frustrating, but we will not give up any hopes. Do it when you both are ready
Kiran,
I’m so sorry for you, friend…for the stress and the frustration. I know it’s cliche, and probably the last thing you want to hear, but when it DOES happen (power of positivity!!!), you and that child will know forever that he or she was 100% wanted.
you are more then welcome to hold my babies..they are not really babies but will always be my babies…i’ll put them on a plane tonight if you like:)
I was not one that planned my pregnancies…we didn’t use protection and just figured when it was meant to happen it would happen…and it did. I was a selfish person before having a baby but found that I didn’t mind sharing my time, money or energy on this tiny little bundle of beauty! When you are ready you will know it!
I am a walking contradiction — I’m a planner planner planner…who believes in fate. So, I guess what I’m saying is that I think I’ll plan as much as I can, then (like you) figure it will happen when it’s meant to!
I think it’s so brave of you to post this! I feel the same way. I thought I’d be ready by now, but I’m not. I work in a baby-centric hospital unit, so I know more than ever the responsibility that it takes to be a parent. Once you’re a parent, you can never go back. You can’t quit if you decide it’s not right for you!
I have co-workers say that there’s never a “perfect time” to have a baby, but I still feel like buying a house and paying off some more debt would be nice. I also have co-workers who say, “when you’re ready, you’ll know.” That’s more reassuring to me. It sounds cliche, but that’s what they all said about meeting the man you wanted to marry, and that worked out well
I’ll be here with you, enjoying travel, husband/wife time, and “me” time while I can!
I know this is an old post but reading it after you linked to it today I just have to say I feel the SAME way! We’re 29 & 31 and I’ve never really 100% wanted kids but whatever desire I have had seems to be dimishing more and more every year especially as all my friends start having them. Seeing what their lives become makes me realize how much I DON’T want that. I’m starting to wonder if we’ll become THAT childless couple for the rest of our lives…
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