In general, while I may have a snarky, snippy and sarcastic side, I tend to be a “yes” person.
Need someone to join your planning committee? I’m in.
Have a last-minute hole to fill for a Twitter chat? Sign me up!
Have a guest post I’d be perfect to write? Give me the deadline and you’ll get it.
But that’s changing this summer, and I think (hope) it will make me better at my most important roles: wife, mother-to-be, daughter, full-time employee, friend.
On Monday, as I luxuriated on the couch with puppies at my feet and a well-worn Nora Roberts novel in my hand, I took a moment to post this on Facebook:
SO much I could have done today. I have piles of work for #Fitblog, the Central Florida Blogger Conference and of course, my full-time job. I have posts that need to be written for two blogs. I have a dozen emails from readers that deserve thoughtful responses. I have a house that takes my constant attention lest it be taken over by dog hair and dirty laundry. But something about today called for sleeping in, enjoying coffee on the pool deck, adventuring in the rain with my husband, re-reading a favorite book and finally, pajama snuggle time with my puppy. They say you never look back and wish you’d spent *more* time working, right? Back at it tomorrow.
I wrote it more as an atta-girl for myself that for others, because I really needed to let myself off the hook. I’d been feeling guilty about wasted time, thinking about the long to-do list I wake up to every day.
But when I sat back and thought about it, I realized that I needed that couch time and rain adventuring more than I needed to sit in front of my laptop. And I got more enjoyment over coffee on the pool deck than I would have by writing a post for Tuesday morning or answering emails.
So I’m calling this the summer of “no.” I will commit myself 110% to the things I’ve already agreed to — speaking engagements, conference planning and more. But I can’t add anything else to the list. That may mean that emails go unanswered for days, rather than the self-imposed 48-hour window I give myself now. It may mean that I have to turn down great opportunities.
It may mean that I don’t post everyday. It may mean I lose money. It may mean I lose readers.
I originally wrote this as a private journal entry — something I could refer back to if I’m tempted to say “yes” because it’s for a friend or because I hate letting people down. But I thought that by publishing it, I might help some of you realize that it’s OK to enjoy life offline, or to sleep in, or to choose Friday night puppy snuggle time over going out to the latest and greatest event.
The summer of NO. It starts now.
About Katy
The only way to survive is to learn how to say no. Sometimes, it is SO hard to say no. I did a play when you were 4 weeks (auditions) to 4 months old…that was the last play I did until you were in 9th grade and I played Charlie Brown in You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown. I missed theater, it had been so much a part of my prior life. But I could not do it all. It was hard enough to be a working mom and a loving and supportive wife and mommy and a homeowner and a taxi driver and a school monitor and and and…start learning the joy of saying no NOW, so you can get used to it. They won’t always be small, you won’t always have these responsibilities…take time to enjoy. And I know you can do anything you put your mind to…you always have.
I love that you shared this. I recently cut back on blogging and accepted it might mean less hits and good opportunities but like you my life is changing. I’m job searching, moving into a new home with my boyfriends, and starting yoga teacher training. I felt overwhelmed and knew I needed to focus on the big stuff to keep myself sane. Good for you and I’m glad you took time to enjoy life!
But I was gonna get you to come over and help move my washing machine upstairs. And try to get you to get somebody to help you (I can’t… I’m going to a pool party)…
I love this idea of the Summer of “no”. I say it often though. I grew up having to say yes to everything. When I finally became an adult and living on my own. I thought how I never had time for me or wasn’t allowed time for myself. Now I make sure I am taken care of and my needs are met. Because no one is going to do it for me. I have to be accountable for my own “me” time.
Blogging and social media should be a hobby, it may be a job for some people but it doesn’t have to be a 24/7 job. I rather enjoy taking the weekends off from posting!
Everyone needs to take time out for themselves or you will get burnt out. I think it’s great when people say no. What I don’t like is people who say yes and then bail on you. Be true to yourself on what you can handle.
I think the “summer of no” is an excellent idea! I’ve also recently chosen to live offline vs. living to blog. It’s been challenging but and the same time much needed time off. Enjoy every minute of this summer
I am with you! I have said no to three speaking/blogging proposals. I just don’t have time or WANT to make time!
Good for you, Katy! It will be interesting to see how much MORE you’re able to enjoy when you say no instead of yes. Keep us posted on how it’s going!
Well said Lynna – it’s nice to see great advice handed down from mother to daughter and I’m sure Katy will do the same with ‘little ladybug’….Katy, there is a time when no means ‘heck yeah’ to much more important things – life is about balance and it is forever shifting, so enjoy the ride!
What a great idea. Although I tend to have the opposite problem. I have to remind myself to say “let me check my schedule” instead of an immediate “no” assuming there will be conflicts. There often are conflicts, but not every time! I think most women have your problem though, in that they say yes to everything and everyone. Good for you for taking the time to reflect on what you need!
Good for you!!!
Wow, congratulations! I am really glad to hear the good news. I hope you will have a bright future. So what’s your next step of your plan?
-Antoinette
Good for you!!!! I’m terrible at this too — I say yes to everything. In fact, sometimes, I don’t even have to be asked. I volunteer — I did that today. But I also make a point to even schedule Me Time, Couch Time, and Stare-at-the-Wall Time. It’s vital to our well-being. We just can’t do it all, despite what we read. So we have to pick and choose what’s most important and do only those things that support our most important roles in life.
Way to take a stand. We aren’t meant to be perfect, and to have everything done on our list of things to do… honestly, I don’t think that will ever happen… Why do we live over-committed? I think it’s wonderful that you are taking a deep breath, and thinking about what’s most important. For me, it’s a daily surrender, I need constant reminder that I just can’t do it all, and at the end of the day… I’ve gotta take care of myself and our marriage.
I think “no” might be a word you have to get used to saying Mommy to be
. I am actually not qualified to say this because I don’t have kiddies, but a firm NO seems to work well with my pets. Enjoy your summer- as you should. You definitely earned it! I always wondered how you got everything done….
I am so with you, my friend. It’s important and difficult to take time for yourself and saying no is a great first step. xo
I absolutely ADORE this post! I actually quit blogging for several months because it became more of a chore than a passion of mine. If I didn’t post once a day I became irritable and I began to resent the blog. I decided I needed to live more in the NOW and not worry about my blog, and whether or not posting everyday would lose me readers. So I took some time off and now I’m back and better than ever and blogging for the reason everyone should, because you love doing it! I can’t wait to read about your summer of no because honestly, you don’t look back at life and regret all the time you could have been working. You’ll regret the moments you missed WHILE you were working
Cheers to the summer of NO!
Good for you! I always have trouble saying no, but it is so much better for our mental health to use that word every now and then. Just enjoy this wonderful time in your life!
it has kinda been the “past fifteen years of no” and a hard focus on it the past year.
Im working to live my priorities not lipservice them.
xo
Am catching up on my blog commenting tonight & this post came to mind when I got an offer for a gig out of the blue. I’m GRATEFUL that people are still considering me for opportunities, but I’m struggling to make the right decision. There are pros and cons,and my gut is to say “no” to preserve my peace of mind. But the “yes” in me knows I could handle it. It’s so easy to want to say no, but then you get to the point when you have to say it and it’s not as easy. BAH. I hope you are more successful at it than I!!
Being assertive is definitely a work-in-progress for me. It’s hard to say no when you’re at the bottom of the totem pole and trying to work up…but self-care is important too. Gotta find that balance.
Also meant to say, if it’s important for you to say no and bring balance to your life, you can do it! =)
Yes to the summer of no! I’m following the rule that if it doesn’t feel right or good, I won’t do it. I a, focusing on doing “nothing” which in my type a personality can look like reading some chick lit, catching up with bravo and feel my head spin with all of my to dos but you know what it is what feels right. Do nothing