For the first time in years, I’ve found myself consistently awake at 4:00 a.m. with my mind racing. It’s a mix of the reasonable:
- I hope things go well on our TV shoot next week. Did I finish writing that script in the C block? I have to remember to print those teases.
- I can’t believe our air conditioner shut down in the hottest time of the year. In Florida. When I have an 8-month-old. Can we get the repair guy out on Monday? Is it going to cost A LOT or A LOT A LOT?
- Dang, my foot still hurts. Should I have gone to the doctor a week ago? It feels much better than it did but I’m worried. Will I be able to run on it soon?
And the completely ludicrous (at least for 4 a.m. standards):
- Am I getting enough iron in my diet? I should pay more attention to my nutrition.
- I wish I did more for charity.
- I wish I had an extra day in the week. 7 days just doesn’t seem like enough.
I live for pressure. I love it — the adrenaline rush, the feeling of being needed, delivering during crunch time. Being the go-to girl.
But this is probably the busiest, most stressful, most EXCITING stretch I’ve had in both my personal and professional lives — maybe ever? — and my normal coping strategy (sweating it out) is not available.
I’m still taking it easy after my nasty foot incident last weekend. It’s absolutely the right thing, and it’s paying off — the foot is much less swollen, the bruises have almost faded and the pain has dulled to what feels like a sunburn on the top of my foot. I think that if I take another week off of working out, I’ll be in much better shape than if I rush back to activity now.
Two weeks. Maybe three. At the outset, a month. In the grand scheme, it’s a blip. But it’s the longest non-pregnancy-related hiatus I’ve had in years and it’s making me itchy. I want to run. I want to dance. I saw someone riding a bike yesterday and the jealousy cut to my core.
Who have I become? The me of 10 years ago is in wide-eyed shock right now, because she can’t believe that there would ever be a day when “rest day” seemed like a 4-letter word.
Once I get back to working out, I know I’ll also get back to sleeping soundly…and these 4 a.m. stress sessions will be history. And I’ll remember once more how privileged I am to be able to have fitness in my life.
Until then…log a few miles for me, would ya?
P.S. The whole not-working-out thing has given me more time than ever to look around and truly appreciate and celebrate my blessings. It’s not lost on me that the things that stress me out (work deadlines! teething baby! car trouble!) are superficial and small compared to the things that so many of you are struggling with.