Oh Woe

For the first time in years, I’ve found myself consistently awake at 4:00 a.m. with my mind racing. It’s a mix of the reasonable:

  • I hope things go well on our TV shoot next week. Did I finish writing that script in the C block? I have to remember to print those teases.
  • I can’t believe our air conditioner shut down in the hottest time of the year. In Florida. When I have an 8-month-old. Can we get the repair guy out on Monday? Is it going to cost A LOT or A LOT A LOT?
  • Dang, my foot still hurts. Should I have gone to the doctor a week ago? It feels much better than it did but I’m worried. Will I be able to run on it soon?

And the completely ludicrous (at least for 4 a.m. standards):

  • Am I getting enough iron in my diet? I should pay more attention to my nutrition.
  • I wish I did more for charity.
  • I wish I had an extra day in the week. 7 days just doesn’t seem like enough.

I live for pressure. I love it — the adrenaline rush, the feeling of being needed, delivering during crunch time. Being the go-to girl.

But this is probably the busiest, most stressful, most EXCITING stretch I’ve had in both my personal and professional lives — maybe ever? — and my normal coping strategy (sweating it out) is not available.

firstbday-40

I’m still taking it easy after my nasty foot incident last weekend. It’s absolutely the right thing, and it’s paying off — the foot is much less swollen, the bruises have almost faded and the pain has dulled to what feels like a sunburn on the top of my foot. I think that if I take another week off of working out, I’ll be in much better shape than if I rush back to activity now.

Two weeks. Maybe three. At the outset, a month. In the grand scheme, it’s a blip. But it’s the longest non-pregnancy-related hiatus I’ve had in years and it’s making me itchy. I want to run. I want to dance. I saw someone riding a bike yesterday and the jealousy cut to my core.

Who have I become? The me of 10 years ago is in wide-eyed shock right now, because she can’t believe that there would ever be a day when “rest day” seemed like a 4-letter word.

Once I get back to working out, I know I’ll also get back to sleeping soundly…and these 4 a.m. stress sessions will be history. And I’ll remember once more how privileged I am to be able to have fitness in my life.

Until then…log a few miles for me, would ya?

P.S. The whole not-working-out thing has given me more time than ever to look around and truly appreciate and celebrate my blessings. It’s not lost on me that the things that stress me out (work deadlines! teething baby! car trouble!) are superficial and small compared to the things that so many of you are struggling with.

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Comments

  1. says

    I can totally understand how hard it is to deal with life when you’re self-care options aren’t available. Spending time outside in beautiful surrounding is my thing – it helps me de-stress and give me time to think. If I weren’t able to have nature close by I would go crazy!

    Hoping your foot fells better and you’re back to working out before you know it.

  2. says

    I go through a lot of the same crazy thoughts at 340 am, almost every day. I have no idea what it is about that particular time, but it kills me. And if I let my mind continue, it carries on for an hour or two. I have no kids to wake up for, I could sleep in if my brain would let me! I dedicated my slow mile to you ;) You’ll be back up and running before I do my next!

  3. says

    I have those early morning thoughts a lot, too, normally about things I cannot fix! i went on a 3+ week hiatus from working out between the relay I ran with my now-husband at the start of May and our wedding at the end of May. It was hectic and there were days when I just wnated to go run but really didn’t have time to. I Hope your foot heals quickly!!

  4. says

    Those middle-of-the-night thoughts are crazy. I had them a lot when my daughter was up nursing throughout the night, I’d tell my husband the crazy things I came up with in the morning and he often looked at me like I had two heads.

    I hope your foot is better soon and you’re back to running!

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