The Most Powerful Posts are The Most Terrifying to Publish

The times when I hold my breath and think twice about posting usually result in the posts resonate the most deeply with my readers. That’s something I’ve learned in more than five years of blogging.

In the case of “What a Difference a Year Makes,” I came THISCLOSE to not hitting publish. I was ashamed to admit that as recently as last year, when I was talking big talk about positive self-image and inner confidence, I wasn’t always walking the walk.

That I had taken a picture like this — shot on one of the most exhilirating days of my life…

and chopped it down to this, all to hide myself.

I remember thinking at the time how silly and backwards it was to make the edit, but couldn’t stop myself. I even saved it this way in all of my photo folders (I had to go back to the memory card to find any evidence of the original photo). Talk about lying to yourself, let alone everyone else, huh?

I wrote this week’s post in a stream of consciousness, sometimes taking a break to wipe away tears. It was really, really hard to think about sharing it, because I didn’t want to admit that I still struggle with how I look. I didn’t want to make those who love me just the way I am feel sad.

I saved the post as a draft because I couldn’t bring myself to hit publish. I went to bed that night and figured it would just be one of those private journal entries that stays in drafts forever.

But when I woke up, I knew that the reason I was afraid was that it was an honest and powerful story. I knew that if I was feeling that way, others were, too. And I knew that if I didn’t put the post into the great big Internet world, it would be easy to go back on my world and keep on editing my photos to cut out the awkward, ugly parts. And it would be too easy to drag my daughter into the cycle of negative self-talk.

In the morning, I took a deep breath and hit publish. And then I shut off the computer and walked away. I sang songs with my girl, took a long walk with her and tried to remember that the most powerful posts are often the most terrifying to publish.

I’m so glad I did. Thank you all for reading and thanks for the love!

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Comments

  1. says

    Honest and vulnerable posts are always the best. Thanks so much for opening up and sharing that beautiful post. We all struggle with insecurities and admitting it is what bring us together.
    OK, ending my cheesiness here, but seriously, it was a great post and I’m so glad you hit publish :)

  2. says

    I really appreciated your post. My daughter is 15.5 months old and stopped breastfeeding about 6 weeks ago. I’ve noticed a significant change in my body since then and it’s not for the better. I’ve been really unhappy about it and struggling to find time to get back into shape. But after I read your post I realized it’s okay if I look a little heavier in the photos I have from this time because those photos are not about me or my body, they’re about the smiles and the fun that my family is having together. That’s what my daughter will remember, not how the pants I was wearing made me look a little chunky.

  3. says

    I completely understand. My last two posts were very hard to publish, but I am glad that I did.

    I read a post recently by Peanut Butter Runner and she said something that stuck out to me. She said that it was very easy to compare your life to other’s highlight reel (or something to that extent) and made a lot of sense. On blogs, we tend to just post the good stuff and read the good stuff about other people’s lives and I think it makes us feel very alone when we are going through harder things.

  4. says

    so right again, katy – thank you for sharing. There are some issues I’ve been contemplating sharing for a while and just can’t, but I think when I get to that point my blog will be a lot better for it.

  5. Tricia says

    This post is me. I was finally where I wanted to be, healthy and fit, then I hit a point In my life that felt like I ran into a brick wall. My husband lost his job and couldn’t find work. All my dreams and plans came to a screeching halt. I spent the next year trying to stay positive and strong for him while inside I crumbled and lost all hope. I stopped working out and abandoned my healthy eating. It has been 3 years since then. He never found work and is earning his PhD, but that’s going to take another 2 and a half to three years. I have gained all the weight I lost, am miserable and get short of breath again, am unhealthy and totally unfit. I’m 51 and not getting any younger. I’m trying to get back into things while struggling with worrying how I look. I’m embarrassed and depressed.

    My story isn’t the same, but the way I feel and have felt about myself for the last 2 years is. It’s hard to shed all the preconceptions of what I think people think about how I look.

  6. says

    Your honest in your last post and this one are beautiful. You’ve inspired me through them, especially the previous one. I won’t go into details – just know that I’m grateful that you’re sharing your journey in all facets via blog land.

    • Renee Widrick says

      So powerful Katy…there are so many of us women who hide behind our facade and also crop out what isn’t perfect. Facing what is holding us back (hitting that publish button) is the first step to being honest with ourselves – and also a step in the right direction to be more kind to ourselves – to love ourselves. What you said affects us all; The dreaded self-esteem cliff – I sadly wondered if it is genetically a XX chromosome trait from the womb or society driven, your post is priceless….thank you for having the courage to state what we all feel.

  7. says

    THANK YOU for sharing!! I can understand where you’re coming from, I feel the same way sometimes…but by sharing your thoughts, you help other people who feel the same way feel a little less alone! It’s uplifting in a way. Just don’t ever forget how wonderful you are! :)

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